One night, some years ago, I found a friend and I was so happy having talks with him. We were expressing ourselves one to another, developing an amazing connection, but then it all changed.
My friend became so rude. He used to complain about everything, to get angry every single day, and our amazing talks were gone.
I used to lay down in my bed at nights, asking to myself… Why my friend became so rude with me? Did I do something wrong? What’s wrong? I just couldn’t believe that someone so dear to me was behaving like this.
I had doubts, anguished and helpless moments within myself. He was there, being rude and harsh and I was listening, in my heart I felt that was the right thing to do. Life taught me through the years how important it is the communication; that it doesn’t matter the mood of the people you love, they have this need to express themselves and send you a message that in their ignorance they are delivering it in a way that “it hurts you.”
I had two options. ( yes, you can always choose.)
1 Walk away
2 Help him
I really care about him! – I used to say to myself.
So I made my choice, but how to help him?
The heart and soul always find the way. I’m a life’s observer and I’ve been witness people’s behaviors. Observer of the “school of life” throught myself, my family, friends, and people around.
I also must say that I used to exchange books with my friend Mayra when I was in high school about “self- help”, “life”, “Emotions”, and thanks to her I discovered the “Alchemist” written by Paulo Coelho. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Alchemist_(novel) and he became my favorite writer. I’ve got also his book “The Warrior Of The Light” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manual_of_the_Warrior_of_Light and I bought all his books after that. There are writers with this amazing “touch” that when you read their words they are like food to the heart and soul.
So I decided to experience once more “the warrior of the light in me” and that helped me to find that “key” question that I needed to help my dear friend.
“Why are people so rude?”
I found these first:
– They only care about what they think or need or they believe their feelings are more important than the feelings of others.
– They have little or no patience for other people.
– They do not appreciate the differences in others.
– They are trying to shock those around them with their behavior.
But I didn’t feel these were enough reasons… I put them all together in one single word: “Ignorance”. We are secret “vaults” where we storage our pains, past experiences, and we keep them “private”. I have experienced that we have to open ourselves and make accessible the information from the vault to find the problem and get rid of it cutting it from its root.
But what happens when this information is not available? What to do?
I have experienced in my life:
– You can’t force anyone to do something they don’t want to.
– You can’t change people. You just can’t…
A change, an “awaken” that’s how I call it, must come within each people.
So, what to do when you are experiencing the rudeness of someone you love?
1. Don’t take it personally.
Just like I said before: it doesn’t matter the mood of the people you love, they have this need to express themselves and send you a message that in their ignorance they are delivering it in a way that “it hurts you.” But you always have the “choice” to get hurt or not. You are in charge of your own emotions, the emotions are not in charge of you.
2. Respect privacy and wait.
Stay away! Your dereast one will arrive at their own time.
“When they feel ready to talk.”
3. Confront the person
I have experienced in life many kinds of “confrontations”, I had to experience them to be able to choose what’s right.
Confront with love, not with anger. Yep, it’s easier to say it than to do it, but when you really care about someone, starting with yourself, because confrontations makes no good to anyone, reacting with love and understanding it’s the best gift ever.
Please, listen first… any single word can hold “everything”.
4. Restraint Yourself.
It takes practice, I know… just don’t get youself carry away into the drama. Even when they are accusing you, they are unfair with you, they are saying “lies” about you. I have experienced to always keep calm, think, “the truth is within me and it will prevail, it will come out.”
5. Be Concrete when you talk.
Look right to the eyes, talk from your heart, from your experience, your own love towards yourself and others… Don’t let your “guts” talk for you.
Write a letter, a poem, an statement, make a drawing. Be polite… some people misunderstand being polite with being stupid, but don’t let them win.
6. Love them.
Soap them with your kidness, the truth in your heart and soul.
We are not perfect, but some of us have been able to experience what others haven’t, and you can show them the example, not telling them what to do, but telling them you’ve been there before and you was able to awake, to change, and now you’re able to handle life’s situations better than before.
Hmmm, what about my dear friend now? He is not rude with me anymore 🙂 and he is always surprising me.
I Love You So Much!
Note: Please, be aware when words become physical hurt. When a man slaps, hits, and hurts a woman with his own hands and / or any other object, please walk away and get help. Don’t stay with this person because they will beat you up again. There are people who really need professional evaluation and help. Please, never hesitate to contact an authority.
And some quotes from Paulo Coelho’s “The Warrior Of The Light”
“behind the mask of ice that people wear, there beats a heart of fire.”
“I’ve been through all this before,’ he says to his heart.
“ ‘Yes, you have been through all this before,’ replies his heart. ‘But you have never been beyond it.”
“Warriors of light are not perfect.Their beauty lies in accepting this fact and still desiring to grow and to learn.”
“From the moment we are born, people tell us that the world is like this and like that, this way, that way. It is natural that – for a certain period of time – we end up believing what we are told. But we must soon push these ideas aside and discover our own way of living reality.”
“However difficult it may be to accept what happens to us, one must understand that moments such as this give us the possibility for radical change in our behavior.”
“He who knows the treasure he has: his days and hours of life, which can change everything which goes on around him.”
“A warrior of light respects the main teaching of the I Ching: ‘To persevere is favourable.’
He knows that perseverance is not the same thing as insistence. There are
times when battles go on longer than necessary, draining him of strength and
At such moments, the warrior thinks: ‘A prolonged war finally destroys the
Then he withdraws his forces from the battlefield and allows himself a
respite. He perseveres in his desire, but knows he must wait for the best moment to attack.
A warrior always returns to the fray. He never does so out of stubbornness,
but because he has noticed a change in the weather.”
“A warrior of the light never picks fruit before it is ripe.”
“All The Light, Life, Love, And Freedom From The Heart And Soul.”